


Lily

by Discreet



Category: Worm - Wildbow
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 03:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Discreet/pseuds/Discreet
Summary: A story about a lonely girl.





	Lily

Snow leaned heavy against the house. It buried the walls and whatever it didn't cover, a haze of frost obscured. But through the ice, warmth glowed through the window, hinting at the refuge inside.

The front door slammed open, and a girl burst out into the snowy street. Her hands were buried deep in an oversized coat, and she wore a knit hat pulled low, nearly over her eyes. Her face was red and not just because of the rush of cold.

"Wait!" A voice cried out, and another girl spilled out the door, catching it before it could close. She stumbled out into snow and immediately started to shiver. This girl only had a wool sweater to keep the cold at bay. "Wait," she said again, wading through knee-high snow in sneakers, "Anne! Please, just—just wait a minute!"

Anne whirled around, steam billowing from her mouth as she shouted, "Wait for what? Wait for you to _grow up_? How long is _that_ going to take, Lily!"

Lily winced and tried to muster a response, but Anne didn't wait to hear it.

"I'm not your _mom_ , Lily. I'm not your personal fucking teddy bear!"

"No, no, no,” Lily said, stumbling over her words, “That's not it. Please. I don’t think that. It's not like that." She took a step forward, heedless of the snow seeping into her socks. "I'm sorry, okay? Come back inside, it's cold out. Please, I'm sorry, I fucked up."

Anne pulled back, not letting Lily close the gap. "No, that's not it. You can't apologize for this, that'd mean it's just some one-time thing, like it isn't a way of life with you. No, you didn't fuck up, you _are_ fucked up."

Lily cringed as if she had been bitten. She might as well have been with how venomous the words were.

"No," she said, but it felt hollow. She tried to move forward, but the snow was too deep and she was left reaching. "No, Anne, please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, don't leave like this."

For a moment, Anne hesitated. Her hands pulled out from their pockets and they were that much closer to Lily. But they didn't move towards Lily, didn't move at all, just hung there on the sides. The fingers curled into fists and Anne’s voice came hard.

"No. Not again." Anne turned and walked away.

Lily's voice caught in her throat, she wanted to scream for the girl, but the sobs were too much for any other sound to get out. Her eyes squeezed shut, forcing the tears out.

She didn't see Anne leave, didn't even hear it. She just knew that it had happened again.

* * *

* * *

* * *

"Y-you're breaking up with me?"

A black-haired girl shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Yeah," she muttered.

Lily gaped before she remembered herself. Her jaw snapped shut and she tried to find the words, to assemble a sentence, to say _something_.

Only one thought surfaced and it overwhelmed all else.

 _You are fucked up_.

"I'm sorry, Lily," the girl said. "Really, I am, but I don't think I can keep doing this."

“This?” Lily blinked owlishly. “This, what’s this?”

More awkward shuffling, hands fidgeting, fingers flitting over fingers. The black-haired girl’s gaze roamed the diner, looking at the bar counter, at the empty table adjacent, at the old couple sequestered out of earshot. The girl stared everywhere and anywhere so long as it avoided Lily.

“This,” she said, as if that explained anything.

Except that it did.

Four words repeated in Lily’s head, each syllable making her skull vibrate. You. Are. Fucked. Up.

“Kim,” Lily whispered, “please, please, _please_ talk to me.”

Kim bowed her head. “I’m trying.”

“Is this… is this because I missed our date the other day? I told you what a mess that was, I couldn’t have done anything. There’s… you know my part-time job, I can’t control what happens sometimes. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, look, I’ll make it up to you, how about we go—”

“Lily,” Kim cut in, her voice was quiet but it arrested Lily. “It’s not because of that. Maybe a little. But not really.”

“Then what is it?!” Lily said with a desperate shrill.

Kim winced at the stringent note, but soldiered on. She took in a breath and let it out slow. “That’s not the first date you’ve missed.”

“Yeah, I miss _some_ , but we went out just three days ago, I—”

“Lily!” Kim hissed. “Let me finish!”

Lily shut up.

Another breath. Kim spoke in a level tone. "We went out three days ago and do you know what we did?" Kim’s eyes were fixed on the table between them. "We went to your place and _tried_ to watch a movie. We didn't even get halfway through it before you started... ugh, this makes me sound like such an asshole. You just started crying."

Lily blinked, remembering. Lily had been a mess, but it had turned out okay, hadn't it? Sure she had cried, sure they never got to see the end of the movie, but hadn't it been a bonding moment? They had ended the night curled up in each other's arms.

"But that’s… that’s not even the problem. Not really," Kim said. "It just keeps happening, Lily. Every time we see each other. _Every time._ If _I_ want to see you, you're busy with your _job_ , but if you need to see me, you just show up and then you're... you're..."

Kim's eyes scrunched closed, her voice trailing off.

 _You're fucked up._ Lily felt her heart stop.

Kim opened her eyes, half-lidded, tired. "I can't keep doing this, Lily. I'm sorry."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but only air escaped. There had to be something she could say, something she could do that would salvage this. Something. Anything.

As if sensing her thoughts, Kim shook her head and Lily felt her chest constrict like a fist gripping her lungs. Without another word, Kim got up and walked away.

Lily’s mouth still hung open. Empty. Worthless. Lily was rooted to her seat, not even human, but a fixture of the environment. A familiar phrase haunted her, inescapable.

 _You are fucked up_.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Flechette?”

Lily looked up from the locker.

An overweight woman with a tight bob of blond hair stood over the bench. She bore a serious expression like something stank, but from what Lily knew of the woman, that was just how she looked.

“I’m sorry to catch you at a time like this, it’s been hectic,” said Director Piggot. “Can we speak for a moment?”

Lily looked down at herself; she had just come out of the shower and only just finished putting on her underwear. “Can I get dressed first?” she asked a little sarcastically.

“Of course,” Piggot said. She tried to smile, but it was ill-suited on her, like someone had put the wrong piece on a Mrs. Potato Head doll. Lily felt herself smiling back for entirely different reasons.

“When you’re ready you can find me in my office,” Piggot said, “I have an offer you might be interested in.”

An offer. Lily bit her lip, considering the possibilities.

“And one more thing, Flechette.”

Piggot held a hand out to her. Automatically, Lily took it.

“Thank you,” Piggot said, “On behalf of the PRT and the city of Brockton Bay, thank you.”

 _Thank you._ However stiff Piggot was, she could at least express gratitude well. Something stirred inside of Lily.

“Sure,” she mumbled.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“If I could have everyone’s attention,” Piggot announced.

A few heads turned. Not all. Some of the Wards were missing, some still out on patrol, some were occupied with their phones, and some were _gone_. Of the few that looked, there was no emotion behind their stares, only a cold acknowledgement of her existence.

“This is Flechette, some of you have met her already. She helped out in the fight against Leviathan and now she’s going to be staying a little longer to help us get back on our feet. She’ll only be here temporarily, but consider her part of the team.”

Lily nodded her head, not wanting to smile, not when she was filling in for someone who had likely died.

It didn’t seem to matter, none of the Wards reacted. They stared at her.

Lily could practically hear their thoughts.

 _So_ this _was the replacement?_

Lily’s insides twisted tight. What had she been thinking? What had she hoped to find here?

Piggot began to speak again, handing out instructions, arranging for one of the Wards to show her around. Lily should have objected to that. She didn’t want her presence tied so deeply to orders from above, but at the same time Lily couldn’t bring herself to speak up. There just wasn’t any point.

She wouldn’t find what she needed here.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Lily screwed her eyes shut, took in a deep breath and exhaled.

 _That_ had been a disaster. She thought she had a chance with Shadow Stalker. She had _wanted_ to there to be one. Shadow Stalker was pretty much the only other girl on the team her age, but there was just nothing about her to like. Nearly shooting Lily to start the patrol? Going too far with the woman and the criminals? And now this? Just being an asshole?

It was disappointing, to say the least. She really might end up alone her whole stay here.

Lily shook her head, refocused. She was still on the job.

She squeezed the bud in her ear, “Console?”

A brief pause, then a voice in her ear. “Kid Win on the console. Hi, Flechette. Deal with those guys okay?”

“Guys are dealt with but… I’m going to do the rest of my night’s patrol alone.”

“Sorry. I should’ve warned you. Tends to be easier to work around her.”

_So she’s always like that._

“This is unfamiliar territory for me. I might need you to brief me if I run into a cape, so I know what I’m potentially running into.”

“Of course, I’m not going anywhere.”

Lily paused, thinking back.

“And on that subject, I remember meeting someone when I was in town for the attack. What can you tell me about the cape with the stuffed animals? Pariah, par—”

“Parian,” Kid Win replied.

Parian. Lily nodded along as Kid Win relayed the relevant information about the cape. It was the technical details: history, powers, the sort of stuff the PRT cared about. But, that wasn't what Lily remembered.

When all the capes had come to prepare for Leviathan’s arrival, Parian had been off in a corner by herself. She was a girl with no team or history, a brand new cape starting their career with an Endbringer fight. Lily remembered the curls of her hair, the frills on her dress, how they’d bounce a little with each step. Lily remembered the soft, reserved voice, the slight tremble of fear, but also a steely resolve.

And Lily thought to herself that maybe she still had a chance.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Lily took it slow. Slower than she had ever taken it before. She had met with Parian, and the initial meeting had gone well. An impromptu unmasking, jokes shared and a connection formed. Lily had always been good at the beginnings.

She was in Brockton Bay now. A fresh start, she told herself. She didn’t have to throw herself headlong into something she wasn’t ready for. And besides, Parian had too much to worry about to even think of getting into a serious relationship.

Leviathan had hit Parian’s family hard. They had gone from living in a luxurious apartment in Downtown to homeless and penniless in just one night. They took it better than Lily thought anyone could. They considered themselves lucky. They had survived. There were too many families in Brockton Bay that couldn’t claim the same.

That didn’t mean the pain wasn’t there. Or the fear or the anger. All of Brockton Bay was a boiling pot of ugly emotions. Parian had to deal with all of that as well as her own special concoction of stress and worry. She knew that the only thing keeping her and her family safe was herself.

It was something every hero had to learn to deal with, knowing that lives depended on them, but Parian had never wanted to be a hero. She had been forced into the role, and the stakes were immediate: her own family.

Parian was managing to get by, but only barely.

Parian didn’t need a girlfriend. She needed someone to talk to, to take a break with, someone who would offer their shoulder when it was needed. Parian needed a friend.

It was the least Lily could do.

* * *

* * *

* * *

They walked the line, the threaded cord between them. Lily called it patrolling.

"I don't understand though," Lily said, "Why would they call themselves Fugly Bob?"

Sabah giggled, hopping over a chunk of debris. " _That_ I can't tell you. If I had to guess it's because Bob was... not very attractive."

"You don't say," Lily said with a smirk.

"Hey, at least he had the confidence to put that up-front. That's not nothing."

Lily nodded her head. "I can respect that."

"Well, what you should be respecting are their burgers. Just absolutely _massive_."

Lily ducked under an iron bar that jutted out. "Massive, huh? Now is that relative to you or..."

"Hey!" Sabah whirled around, the curls of her hair swishing back. "Watch it, Miss Hero, I'm a dangerous, maverick _rogue_."

Lily grinned. Sabah was only barely suppressing a giggle herself.

"Ah, of course, my deepest apologies, Parian," Lily bowed, an exaggerated gesture with head dipping and hand flourishing, "I didn't mean to insult your honor." Still bowed, she peeked up at the girl with another smirk. "Only your stature."

"A short joke!" Sabah huffed. "How original. Well, we'll see about that!"

Lily was about to make another smart remark when Sabah waved her hand in a beckoning gesture.

A giant stuffed gorilla dropped down from the shadows, landing with a puff of dust. It put a hand under Sabah and lifted her up onto its shoulders.

"Oh, that's cheating," Lily said.

"Cheating?" Sabah said. With Sabah perched atop, the eight-foot-tall gorilla reared up, standing straight. It took an extra second to balance on its toes for that extra inch. "I don't know what you mean," Sabah said innocently.

"Alright, alright," Lily said, craning her neck to look up at Sabah, "You win. You are the tallest."

"The _very_ tallest."

"The tallest of them all. A giantess."

"Pfft." Sabah raised a hand to cover her mouth, but it only bumped against her mask and by then it was too late. She burst into a fit of giggles. She hunched over and nearly fell off her gorilla, but the stuffed animal caught her and kept her in place.

Lily couldn't help but smile. She could still do this much.

It was everything else that she was worried about.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The phone rattled against the drawer. _Buzz, buzz_ , it went, inching closer and closer to the edge. _Buzz, buzz._ It tilted and fell into the abyss.

A hand snatched it mid-air. Wiping the grit from her eyes and holding back a yawn, Lily raised the phone to her face.

 _Parian_ read the caller ID.

“Shit!” Lily bolted upright, and an excess of fingers tapped the answer button at once. “I’m here, what’s—”

A sob cut her off. “Lily,” was all Sabah said. Her voice was ragged. Hoarse, as if she had spent too long screaming.

Lily was already on her feet, scrambling to get her costume on. “Just wait for me, Sabah,” Lily said, without a thought for codenames, “I’ll be there soon. Don’t do anything crazy. I’ll be there.”

Another sob. It came out strained as if Sabah had to force herself to breathe.

Lily’s blood ran cold even as she raced to get dressed. Someone had hurt Sabah—the “how” didn’t matter. All that mattered was Lily making them pay. Lily picked up her arbalest, checked the bolts and, satisfied with the weapon, hoisted it onto her shoulder.

“I’ll be there,” Lily said.

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was the first time Lily had gotten to enter Parian’s territory. She only wished that it was under better circumstances.

Leviathan had already done enough damage. Flooding had made the ground swampish, and wherever the water had hit, concrete was cracked, and random detritus was thrown about. Cars lay overturned, a mailbox was all twisted up, there was even a kitchen sink half-embedded into a wall.

But that was the norm for Brockton Bay now. What was different here were the marks of a battle. A cape battle. Stone had been gouged, earth scorched, steel melted, and ground stained with blood. How many parahumans had been fighting here?

Lily bit her lip and moved on.

She ducked under a half-shorn door and went into the building that Sabah and her family had been using as their home. The tsunami waves had hit the building hard, nearly everything had been washed out, but here and there, Lily saw signs of life. One room she saw four cots placed together, a family of them. In another room, there were stacks of dried-out magazines and posters. And one room was full of nothing but stuffed animals. The plushed animals came in a variety of sizes and colors, a few larger than a man, but most fit for a young girl to carry. They were patchworked together, the cloth coming from a different sources, but it wasn’t haphazard—there was a homely appeal to them. They made the room a bright and colorful place to be.

It was here that Lily found Sabah.

She sat on the floor, her knees drawn to her chest and her head hanging low. Long black hair concealed her face, and her mask and wig lay at her feet. She still wore the frilly dress of her costume, but it was no longer prim and proper—it was ragged and stained with blood.

“Sabah…” Lily said.

The girl flinched, her head jerking up and through the mess of her hair, an eye peered out.

“Oh,” Sabah said. She eased back, and her head dropped again. “It’s you.”

Lily felt her chest wind tight, a part of her had expected something more.

But that didn’t matter. Lily wasn’t the one in pain here. That was Sabah. Lily sat next to her and tried to find something to say, some magical phrase that would make this all better.

Nothing came.

There was nothing that could be said. Instead, Lily pulled Sabah into a hug.

Sometimes it was hard to remember that Sabah was older than her. She was _small_. When Lily hugged her, Lily had to bend a little, stretch until her hands clasped the opposite elbows, and only then did she really feel she had a hold of Sabah.

A tremble went through Sabah, her throat catching as a sob stuck, and Lily squeezed a little tighter.

They stayed like that for a long time.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Sabah didn’t have a deal to keep anymore; Lily was free to come and go as needed. And she _was_ needed. Sabah never said as much, never let her weakness show after that one night, but Lily knew.

The Slaughterhouse Nine had left, but there were still plenty of dangerous people out there. The Undersiders and the Travelers were the next big threat the Protectorate had to deal with. A fact that Lily took careful care to explain to Sabah.

“Grue,” Lily said, pointing at a file amongst many scattered on a table. At the top was a picture of a man caught on security cam footage. He was dressed in black leathers and wore a motorcycle helmet that had a skull painted on the visor. “Leader of the Undersiders. Darkness generator. He’s got a large range, and the darkness is total. Flashlights won’t work. There’s also been some unconfirmed reports that he’s showing signs of a second trigger after…” Lily paused.

“After the Slaughterhouse Nine came here,” Sabah finished. “Go on.”

“Right,” Lily coughed and pointed to another photo, this one showed a blonde smirking at the camera from behind a domino mask. “Tattletale. She’s a social-based Thinker. We’re not a hundred percent sure on how exactly her power works. We’re running along the line of thought that she pinpoints weaknesses in people. She’s a big fan of blackmail and extortion. Current strategy for dealing with her is don’t let her talk.”

“Hah,” Sabah laughed, but there was no real humor behind it. Her hands gripped at the edge of the table, her knuckles sticking out.

“Yeah, I know,” Lily said with a smile of her own. “But we work with what we got. Now this—” she pointed at the next file “—is Skitter. She can control every insect within a three to five block radius. She’s the most violent of the bunch. Unpredictable. She’s maimed, tortured, and done everything short of killing. If you see her, if you even see any bugs acting funny, you call me.”

Sabah stared firmly at Skitter’s photo. The yellow bug-like lenses of the mask seemed to pop out and stare back, following her wherever she moved.

“Yeah, okay,” Sabah said.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Somewhere in Dolltown there was a crash. A building heaved as a car impacted it at supersonic speeds. Luckily, it wasn’t the building Sabah and her family used as their home. But that didn’t mean they didn’t have their own problems to worry about.

Skitter stood in the midst of the whole family, facing Sabah down.

“You got dealt a raw hand,” Skitter said, her voice utterly calm. As if her friend, Ballistic, wasn’t tearing buildings down just outside. “The Nine targeted you, like they targeted some people I care about. People I love. That’s not fair. So I was thinking, I’ve got a lot of money. I have access to resources. I know it’s not much, it’s not really enough, but maybe we could get doctors for your friends and family. Fix what’s been done to them.”

Lily crept to the side, tried to stay out of sight, but everything in her wanted to scream, to jump into the conversation and steer Sabah away from this lunatic.

“And what would you want in exchange?” Sabah asked.

“Join my team,” Skitter said. “I—”

“No.”

A sigh of relief went out from Lily. One that nearly gave her away. Lily refocused on creeping up on Skitter. In her hand she held three needles, each tucked between fingers. She just needed a few more steps, and Skitter seemed to be giving it to her. The villain was too busy acting aghast that someone would dare turn down an offer of servitude to her gang. She made promises of money, food, water, and treatment for Sabah’s family, but Lily could read between the lines, could see the threat that lay underneath.

Lily took the last step and Skitter turned to face her a second too late. The needles slid through Skitter’s shoulder, shearing through chitinous armor, and sank until they hit bone. The villain gasped, and Lily took that moment to sweep her legs and push her down. Lily pinned Skitter and raised another set of needles, charging them with her power.

“The lady said no,” Lily growled.

Skitter groaned, but it was hard to tell if it was genuine with the mask on.

Lily brought the needles a little closer to the villain’s face. “If I see a single bug, I’ll be forced to use this.”

Lily eyed Skitter, waiting, just waiting for any excuse at all. Skitter had gone too far one too many times, unwritten rules or no. She was too dangerous to have around. Especially with Sabah here.

“Isn’t that going too far?” Sabah spoke up, her voice small.

Lily’s guts twisted at her tone. “No,” she said, trying to force steel into the word.

“She was just talking,” Sabah said, a little stronger.

Lily felt her heart drop.

* * *

* * *

* * *

It was a moonless night, and there were so few lights still working. It made for a dark meeting.

Lily walked out on the rooftop, her hands held up. “No arbalest,” she announced. “And I’m alone.”

Sabah didn’t appear. If she was hiding, she had plenty of places to choose from. Boulder-sized air conditioning units dotted the rooftop. Somewhere in the midst of them, Sabah spoke up, “Turn around. And keep your hands up.”

Lily grimaced, but did as she was told. She knew she shouldn’t. This wasn’t just illegal, it was stupid. Idiotic. It was insanity coming into a villain’s lair without backup. But then, Sabah wasn’t really a villain, was she?

“Okay,” Sabah said, seemingly satisfied there were no tricks involved. But she didn’t emerge from the shadows, either. “What do you want?”

“What do I want,” Lily said, her voice flat. “Is that all you have to say to me?”

No response and that hurt worse than anything else. Why was Lily even here? Was she really this desperate? Was she really this fucked up?

“I don’t owe you an explanation,” Sabah said.

Lily bent her head, felt her throat tighten. She pushed back, forced herself calm and spoke, “I never said I was ‘owed.’ I don’t even need an explanation. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”

“Then why are you here?”

“To talk!” Lily said, a little more heated than she wanted. She took a moment to collect herself and started again. “It’s not too late. You can still back out from whatever deal you’ve made with the Undersiders. Join the Protectorate, they’ll understand, they’ll make it work.”

A pause. And then, “Did they say that?”

Lily frowned. “No,” she admitted.

Another thoughtful pause from the darkness. “Is that what they want, Lily? Or is it what _you_ want?”

“Sabah…”

“I have to go, Lily. Things to do, people to take care of.”

“Sabah, wait!”

But there was no response. Only the rustle of cloth fading away.

* * *

* * *

* * *

Lily lay flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling, appreciating its dusty tan color. Uniformly painted, totally blank. It was easy to stare and just forget everything else that existed.

“I have something to admit,” Lily said to the ceiling.

“Go ahead,” Dr. Yamada replied from out of sight.

“I’ve never told anyone this. Although I can’t really call it a secret. People figure it out themselves. It’s more like it’s a fact that follows me wherever I go.”

Lily took in a deep breath, let it out, and then breathed once more.

“I’m fucked up.”

“What do you mean?”

“That I’m fucked up. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that poisons every relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“Lily, I—”

“And I’ll let you in on another not-so-secret: In all my relationships, I have never been the one to break-up. I’ve always been the one being broken up with.”

Dr. Yamada took a moment, allowing Lily the extra second if she wanted to continue. But Lily was done, it was out there.

“So you think that your previous relationships failed because of some inherent flaw?” Dr. Yamada asked.

“Yeah. More or less.”

“And how would you describe this flaw?”

“It’s a need,” Lily said and took in a deep breath. “I can’t be alone. I need someone to be there for me.”

“I don’t think that’s so strange, Lily. Most people don’t handle being alone well.”

“This is different. It’s… more. It’s not that I can’t handle it. It’s more like I’ll starve to death if there isn’t someone who’ll be there to hold me. To keep me warm.”

“I see.”

A pause from the doctor. Lily tried not to overthink it.

“And do you want to change that?” Dr. Yamada asked.

Lily breathed again. Long and slow. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” Dr. Yamada said, her voice calm and neutral, “We can start setting up some—”

“No,” Lily cut in. “No, that’s fine.”

Another inhale and exhale. Lily closed her eyes. “I know what I have to do.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

Lily balanced the arbalest on the ground, the tip pointed up at the sky. She held it in place with a single finger and, with her other hand, gave it a spin.

She wondered if she had gone insane. Another symptom of her fucked-upness.

The arbalest started to slow, and she gave it another push.

She had gone back to the Protectorate base, she made an attempt to go on as normal, to be the hero she had dreamed of. But then that was fucked too, wasn’t it? She knew the truth about Armsmaster now. She knew about Echidna. About Cauldron and the whole line of fucked-upness that went straight to the Triumvirate, the PRT, and everything she had put her life on the line for. It was all meaningless now.

She gave the arbalest another push, watched as it blurred with disinterested eyes.

Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was fucked up.

The edge of her lips turned upwards by a fraction.

It was something of a fresh start, wasn’t it?

Her phone buzzed, and she jolted a little, catching the arbalest before it could tip over. She fumbled the phone out and checked the ID.

 _Miss Militia_.

Lily let out a sigh. Was it of relief or defeat? Lily wasn’t sure herself. She stuffed the phone back into her pocket. She thought of turning it off, but then there was still the remote chance Sabah would call. Crazy to even think it was a possibility, but then Lily had long gone past the point of crazy.

She started spinning the arbalest again. The day was young, the weather surprisingly nice. She’d wait for as long as she needed to.

She wasn’t sure what she’d say. Too much _to_ say.

But if she was going to start anywhere. It would probably be best to start with the truth.

A shadow stretched out over the ground and fell on the end of Lily’s arbalest. Lily looked up.

Even a short girl could cast a long shadow.

“Hey, Sabah,” Lily said.

* * *

* * *

* * *

They sat on the floor, backs against the wall. Just out of arm's reach.

Lily spoke, her voice soft, “So this is what you want to do?”

“Yes,” Sabah answered.

“ _Why_?”

“Because it’s the only way to get the rest of the money that my people need.”

“Your people?” Lily glanced around, then stopped. “Not _these_ people. Your family, friends. From Dolltown.”

Sabah nodded. “And because I need to be a part of the Undersiders if they’re going to listen to me, and I need them to listen to me if I’m going to influence them, keep them on a straighter path. To protect people from them, and to protect _them_ from _themselves_.“

It was self-sacrifice. The pit in Lily’s stomach widened. “And that’s all worth giving up the life you want to lead?”

Sabah took a moment, her gaze going up to the ceiling and she spoke to the sky. “I think it is.”

Lily bit her lip. She turned to face Sabah. “Then… would you take me along for the ride?”

Sabah didn’t react. An answer all on its own.

Eyes still far away, Sabah finally spoke up, “No. I don’t think I can. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but…”

But she didn’t trust Lily. The pit in Lily’s stomach became a black hole and it drained her dry, hollowed her insides.

Sabah had always been smart. She could see Lily for what she really was. 

_You are fucked up._

Some people weren’t meant for relationships. Didn’t deserve them.

But that thought didn’t comfort Lily. Didn’t take away from the emptiness inside her.

“No,” Lily said.

Sabah glanced at her, wary.

“Not as a partner,” Lily went on.

An eyebrow raised. “No?”

“I meant, um. A lieutenant.”

“A lieutenant?”

Lily looked down. She folded her hands together, stopped them from shaking. “I’m not good at being alone,” she said. “I found that out a while ago, and what’s happened these past few weeks, they only made it clearer. I need company, and your company is what I want the most. I can’t say it’ll be forever, but for _now_ …”

Her voice trailed off, the silence hanging. Lily didn’t dare look at Sabah. Couldn’t bear to see what expression the other girl might have.

“You’d leave the Wards?” Sabah asked.

A question. Not a no. Lily let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and she scrambled to answer. “They’re falling apart anyways. I’d… I’d have to give up my arbalest. Without tinker maintenance, it won’t keep working. But I always liked the idea of the rapier, been meaning to go back to it. And I have darts.”

“You’re rambling.”

Lily gave a short laugh, hysterical. She looked up to meet Sabah’s eyes. “I’m terrified,” Lily said.

Sabah stared at her, thoughtful. “You’re saying I call the shots. You’re my lieutenant, my right hand?”

“Yes,” Lily said immediately.

“My knight in shining armor.”

Lily gave another short laugh, just as uncontrolled as before. “I’d need a new costume, and a new name, probably. For legal reasons. If you said yes. I was thinking more a stylized musketeer look than a knight, but I can work with whatever.”

“A new costume is something I can do,” Sabah answered. “And yes.”

Lily’s heart thumped wildly in her chest. “Yes?”

Sabah took in a deep breath, one that seemed to go on forever in Lily’s eyes. She glanced at Lily, a smile at the edge of her lips.

“Yes.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

Lily looked at herself in the mirror, taking in her new costume. Darker colors, sharper lines—intimidating was the word. It made Lily think of a blade wreathed in shadow. The weapon that Sabah wielded.

“Are you sure about this?” Sabah asked.

Lily turned, inspecting her side-profile. “Sure,” she said, “I might be a villain now, but even I wouldn’t mess with the PRT’s Branding department.”

Sabah smiled, but didn’t laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”

Lily looked through the mirror to find Sabah. “I know,” she said.

“I’m asking for a lot.”

Lily smiled. She turned to face Sabah. “You are,” she said as she took the older girl’s hands, “but it’s nothing I wasn’t willing to give.”

A flush went to Sabah’s cheeks.

“There’s no regrets,” Lily said, “I want to be here. With you. For you.”

“Hm.” Sabah bowed her head. “Lean down a bit.”

Lily obeyed, bemused at the order.

Sabah stood up on her toes and kissed Lily.

For a moment she was shocked, but that didn’t last long—superhuman reflexes. Lily closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Sabah. If this was what Sabah needed, then Lily was more than happy to oblige.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story, a lot of work went into it.
> 
> There's some borrowed text from Worm, I tried to keep it to a minimum, but credit to Wildbow for those.
> 
> Special thanks to Luolang for being the most patient and helpful beta-reader an author could ask for.


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